I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
