Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
