I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
