I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
