Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
