Where did you get a picture of my penis
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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