No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
