I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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