The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
