you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I wish you could order shots online.
Life is so much better after having sex.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I can't put those talents on a resume
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
