Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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