So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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