we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
