with your own penis?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
