the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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