I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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