Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
