I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
