Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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