it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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