I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The uberlube is also flammable
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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