Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
