you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Randomize
