you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
