so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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