I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
she peed on how many people?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
