Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
