Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
