so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
