you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
