would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
