i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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