ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
