people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
