seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
