Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
