What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
