I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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