Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
