who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
