As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
