can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
