im gay
i know
yea but for you.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
