Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
