she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just had sex on a roof
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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