He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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