and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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