Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
