Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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