saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
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